I have always been one to say that I am a lover of small things.

Interestingly enough, God has shown me this month how I am not a true lover of these blessed moments. Rather, I choose the small things that I find inspirational or life-giving and all out avoid the others.
God has shown me that if there is an option to skip a confrontation entirely that I will fly under that radar in an instant...that I go out of my way of comfort to not hurt someone.
Why am I afraid of offending people?
I think that my notions come from a past of BIG difficulties and circumstances and that things like that are what are deemed worthy to spend time worrying about or confronting. Not those silly, trivial, every single day

problems. And then the little things of late started getting to me. Little annoyances or little disturbances to my daily routine of it all. Go ahead, shrug it off, there are bigger fish to fry. So I leave it there and walk away unscathed on the outside with calm waters. And then, later on on the week, I am sitting with a handful of little things that I have yet to address to others or to delve into myself. I am learning to operate in the grace that has been given to me and to know that "the Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."
God has brought a memory to the forefront of my mind the week before last that I was praying to God about: it was when I was a little girl, about second grade and I hadn't forgotten the memory, but I had forgot the feeling. I felt the fear of a second grade me. I was new in a developing neighborhood, all cookie-cutter style housing, and we had just moved into one of the first built houses on a street with a huge lot behind it cluttered with little orange flags and stakes in the ground marking where the identical houses would rise from the ground. I can remember jumping on my trampoline (the one I chipped my tooth on) and seeing the vast field nothingness and how at night we could hear the coyotes barking and the crickets chirping. I had a pretty conventional childhood at that point and had just finished a period of a ton of moving and school hopping for my brother. Now we were here and settled. I remember that I was so excited about having a home to stay in and friends to get to keep. The Realtor of this housing community had a daughter younger than me but who had a huge, frightening personality for a cautious girl who was shy by nature. She deceived me as being a friendly and always sharing with me. Overnight, she became manipulating and domineering in a second grade hazing fashion. I remember bits and pieces like standing over a frog with my barefoot above it with her yelling at me to squish it or we wouldn't be friends anymore and then, me, running home crying because I didn't want to. I remember hiding behind stair railings in a model home while she poured out cans of paint on the walls and floors and spraying the ceiling with water from the kitchen sink. She was obviously starved of attention. That was the last day that I called her my friend.          
I had remembered this strange relationship but I hadn't paid any attention to it since. Back to the present, I was in mid-conversation talking about a minor blunder on a normal day and was brought back to this. I felt the fear that I hadn't felt since I was that second grader and I started crying. Long story short, God has uncovered a pain from my past and taught me about myself... but in such a loving way. God has surrounded me with his word and with Biblical truths to snuff out any lie that would come of this situation. He has surrounded me with great relationships and the freedom of a relationship with Jesus in order for me to come out of this past pain to show God's grace in my relationships today. I know that God is forming me and molding me daily and I don't to miss out in knowing. I am dumbfounded at His past-present-future-ness and how He relates them all, nudging me and reminding me that he has been in every fiber and in every cell. I am His. His creation. His glorifier. " I delight to do Your will, O my God..." Psalm 40:8